Jalapeño Salsa

Ingredients

  • Bunch of cilantro, chopped I guess (it should be like 1.5 cups I think, whatever)
  • 4-5 whole jalapeños, sliced (basically just flatten them)
    • If you hate yourself or love shitting, leave all the white “pith” stuff on the peppers. Try to at least knock off the seeds, they fuck up the texture
  • Jar of pickled jalapeños, get the tamed ones if you’re a coward
  • 4-5 smoked, dry chipotle peppers, remove stems, pre-chop a bit if your blender sucks
  • 1 small onion, diced (or not if you’re blender is great i guess)
  • A lot of garlic, peeled (I use half a bulb, basically I just keep adding more until I’m sick of peeling them, go with your heart)

Directions

  • Prep ingredients (duh)
  • Get a pan really hot and add some oil, don’t let it smoke if you’re using good stuff like olive oil
  • Put the sliced (unpickled) jalapeños and garlic into the ripping hot pan
    • Let them get a bit blackened (fucking hell don’t overdo it), then flip
      • Careful with the garlic; it will try to escape
  • Meanwhile, start adding stuff to the blender, IN THIS ORDER
    • Chipotle peppers, make sure they’re ground up nice before adding anything else or your blender will fuck it up
    • Pickled jalapeños, WITH THE PICKLE JUICE (this is important)
      • Also hey make sure to check you’re not burning the other stuff
    • Cilantro
    • Onion
    • Don’t burn out your blender, give it a break, mine was like $30 at walmart, it needs lots of breaks
  • Once the garlic and jalapeños have some nice char on them turn heat off, and start adding them one at a time to the blender
  • That’s it dude

Pro tip, if you’re lazy, just do cilantro and a jar of pickled jalapeños, it takes like 5 minutes and it’s great.

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